Denial and Grief
by Rue Everdeen
Summary: ok i was watching this the other night and this story just popped into my head. it's about how Jess goes through the 5 stages of grief and what I imagine he was thinking and feeling enjoy...well...sorta :p


**Denial and Grief**

**Stage 1: Denial and Isolation**

They looked at each other than dad finally spoke "Your friend Lesley's dead she drowned in the creek this morning-" After that everything else faded from my mind. Dead. Lesley's dead… NO! They're lying they must be.

"N-no it can't be. It's not that kind of rope it- it couldn't break it couldn't have."

"But it did. I'm sorry son."

"No your lying she's not even dead your lying!"

I ran out of the room and to Lesley's house but when I got there I couldn't get to the door because there were police cars all over the front lawn. No, NO it can't be true! Lesley isn't dead I know it! NO!

I ran to the creek and collapsed when I saw the broken rope. 'No this isn't real…it has to be a dream…all I have to do is go to bed tonight and when I wake up tomorrow everything will be fine' I assured myself.

I woke up the next morning and mum told me that dad had done my chores which was weird as well as the girls staring at me funny…had something happened that I had missed? I kept thinking about the dream I had last night and I couldn't wait to see Lesley to tell her all about it.

"Jess your father and I thought we would go over to the Burke's today to pay our respects." My mum said.

"Paying what?" I asked, confused. Why would we need to do that? It was just a dream. I continued to tell myself that but deep down I knew that I was just in denial but I just wasn't ready to accept it yet.

Walking into the house though and seeing all the sombre faces and signing the registry it started to all catch up with me. My best friend was really dead.

After Mr Burke finished telling me that I was the best friend that Lesley had ever had I was in shock. For real…she was really gone.

**Stage 2: Anger**

The next day after school I went to the forest across the creek. To our place. Mine and Lesley's. Maybell had tried to follow me but had gotten stuck at the middle of the fallen tree. After I helped her get back I got angry at her. "Go away this is our place go home!" I yelled at her. When she tried to follow me I had pushed her, turned around and walked off. I didn't want anyone to go to our place except me and her.

**Stage 3: Bargaining**

All of a sudden I heard the ringing chimes and I ran. I couldn't quite see what was following me but I ran as fast as I could but I tripped and fell on a log when I went down I didn't try to get back up because I knew that whatever it was, it was upon me.

It turned out to be just my father and the tears started falling down my face. If only I had have invited her to go to the Museum with us she would still be alive.

I should have gotten back earlier then I might have been in time to save her. I started sobbing into his shoulder.

**Stage 4: Depression**

"It's all gone." I sobbed. "Is it like the bible says? Is she going to hell?"

"I don't know anything about god but I do know he's not going to send that little girl to hell." He reassured rocking me.

"Then I'm going to hell because it's all my fault." And I knew it was, because I was selfish and I didn't want her to come and now…she would never be able to come with us. Ever.

"Don't you think that even for a minute."

"But it is I didn't invite her to go to the museum with me. I didn't want to invite her. I wasn't there to go with her. It's my fault." And with that I buried my face back into his jacket and started crying again.

"No- no none of that's your fault. It's a terrible thing and doesn't make any sense but it's not your fault. She brought you something special when she came here didn't 'she? That's what you want to hold on to. That's how you keep her alive." We sat there for hours just him holding me and me crying. After all the tears were gone I realized that he was right. She may be dead in body but she will always be alive within me.

**Stage 5: Acceptance**

Bit-by-bit I began to accept it and that night I made the decision to build a bridge across the creek so that this wouldn't happen again.

I made a mural the next day using a picture I had drawn of her and making a small raft to send down the creek. "She's in your hands now." I whispered and I let her go.

Later that day, using the wood that Mr Burkes had said I could use I began construction on the bridge. I worked and worked as much as possible on it until it was completed.

The planks made up the base of the bridge and I had used branches to construct a rail both ways across. At the front of the bridge was a triangle opening with a sign on top that said 'Nothing Crushes Us.' I had made Maybell the princess of Terabithia.

Years on Maybell is now queen of Terabithia but I still visit from time-to-time. Everything has changed. All except for our tree house, that will never change because it was mine and Leslie's place. As my dad said all those years ago. She is still alive because I kept her alive in my heart and that's all that matters.

**A/N Ok so I think it's slightly depressing but I really felt like writing this. I was watching Bridge to Terabithia last night and this idea just popped into my head. Hope you liked it…well sort of **

**-Rue**


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